Single Mom Striking Out

I am struggling to feel more grateful about what's being done in this house. I am currently in the process of selling off my home, and am living in a rented property right now. It's the first time I am doing this with my kids in tow. The landlord here is aggressive about enhancing this property for the benefit (1) of raising the value of his place; (2) for the renter's better living condition. But honestly speaking, I am a very private kind of person. I appreciate my privacy and peace of mind. I don't need many needs in life, a simple woman with simple needs. And the landlord insisting on 'improving the property' with renovations and makeovers is driving me insane. There's dust everywhere, renovators are basically in my face all the time, and the landlord insists on invading my privacy. In fact, I feel that there's a security breach of some kind. But if I were to look at it from another point of view, I should be grateful that I somehow get to en...

Not sure what's going to happen but I've changed the name of this blog. This is because some friends are really good at stalking people and hunting down private information of their friends. I've seen her/him do it on occasions to other people. As online as I always am, I've never done that kind of stalking. The scariest thing about these kinds of people is that they use whatever information that they find to talk behind the subjects' backs. As fodder and gossip. Maybe that's why people should use caution when posting personal information on the internet. Anyway, for now, this blog will be about my journey as a person, as a single mother, as a woman striking out in this world. As a person trying to find herself again. You can also say that I am 'newly' single in this world although I am no longer actively looking for my 'other half'. I'm jaded . It's hard for a jaded person to find someone to love, or someone who loves them. Wha...

...I would not be alive today. They are the reasons I continue to fight the everyday challenges that I face. There are really no other reasons for me to continue surviving and enduring the fest that I face. I think I've used up all the joy and happiness during the first 1/3 of my life.

This place is devoid of the past. Suffice to say, the old home was familiar, comforting and a refuge for me and my little boys. It's where we grew older and (hopefully) a little wiser. It's where changes happened - good and bad - and we will never go back to what we were before.  I think we're starting to become more comfortable here in this new place. By title, it may not be ours per se. But it is our temporary home on this earth.  It is up to us to make it home, and home is where you are most comfortable and are surrounded by people you love. If you read the previous entries, there's apprehension right from the get-go. I didn't really want to make the move. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, but to take that leap was a tough one.  But in the end, it HAD to happen and it did.  At least now, I have what I never had before (although my air-conditioning and some of the basic things are not exactly the way I want it), which is natura...

...for the sheer number of years that I've spent with my head clouded with hangovers, I really never thought I'd say that I hate the feeling. Finally opened the bottle of white wine my former neighbor gave me before we left the old home and had it while watching a show. It was a nice feeling. But I hated the feeling the next day. The anxiety. The shakiness. The uncertainty. The headache. The inability to string my thoughts together. There were moments when I sat down with my eyes closed, wondering to myself how I did this before. Not for years, but for more than a decade. For more than 10 years, I often woke up with a clouded head. It's coming to 2 years since I've decided to turn the tables around. There are days when I still drink with friends, myself and with neighbors. I would, however, say that it has become more of a social obligation than anything else. I enjoy the short few hours of bravado and excitement and then wake up the next day with my head splitt...

Today was my version of Thanksgiving where the family got together and a fight occurred out of nowhere. #lol The person's not me, of course, but it serves as a reminder that no matter how long ago some incident has been, some wounds just wont heal. Either they won't heal or they're easy to dig up. It's easy to say that we all have to look forward to tomorrow and learn from yesterday, sometimes, it's hard. No matter how positive people try to be at all times, like me, slivers of the past remains. Although it's easy to continue to soldier on and look forward to tomorrow, it doesn't take a lot for the past to rear its ugly head. This was precisely what happened to my parents today. The little-little things that my father thinks is forgotten (for him) and bygone, it remains an issue with my mom. I find myself standing a little on my mom's side on this one for a simple reason: I've seen how big the scar is. It just goes to show that there's ...

I miss my old home now. Maybe I am just being emo now, hormones or something, but there's were so many things I took for granted when I was there. It feels like a downgrade at the moment. But the kids are happy with their new spaces at the moment. They don't see beyond just having a place to sleep, play, come home to, and eat. That's the way kids are It's the adults who have to worry about all the 'other stuff'. We are adjusting well, otherwise. I have to learn to be more fluid and tougher. I had a very shielded life and I was extremely comfortable. But now things have changed. Learning to live with a little bit of frustration and difficulty strengthens people. That's what they say. The process may not be smooth but at least we are together and we are safe. Be thankful and grateful for the small things in life, that's my self reminder.