Single Mom Striking Out

Ever since the kids started attending this new tuition center, we've had to adjust our schedule and sleeping hours. I've had to prepare lunch for them to take to school too because there isn't a canteen in school like before. So, it means waking up early in the morning to prep the food and lunch boxes.  Because of this I've also stopped drinking at night. And this has been life-changing.  I can't have a drink before I sleep because waking up at 6am would, then, be close to impossible.  However, it is absolutely so refreshing to wake up early in the morning to greet the sun as it creeps up in the horizon. To be awake to hear the birds chirping away their morning greetings, to hear the cock crow in the distance, to smell the untainted morning air, to watch as the buildings from afar come alight.  With that said, it's Friday today and you know what that means? A day I permit myself a drink or two! Yay! Throughout 2017 and now, I've learned ...

Heard from Hugh Jackman and his interview in The Greatest Showman and it resonated with me. Unfortunately, I sometimes berate myself for being overly sensitive , for taking things personally  or for being emotional .  These are remnants from my childhood and teenage years when people would often chide me for being over-reactionary.  I agree that I DO overreact sometimes but it doesn't make my feelings less important. Being yourself is, at the most crucial points in your life, your salvation. It's tiring trying to be someone else.  Never apologize for what you feel. It's like saying sorry for bring real I think the biggest lesson we would have to learn in life is to be ourselves without feeling sorry for it . Whenever you feel sorry for feeling something, sit back and tell ourselves that it's perfectly fine. You wouldn't and shouldn't have it any other way. Smile and accept your feelings just the way they are.  People can say the meanes...

I used to take-away from this quaint little stall in the morning after dropping the kids off to school. I would then come home to an instant healthy breakfast. But as I snuck my way around to the stall again this morning, after a long break, I was dismayed to find it gone.  I honestly thought that the stall and the owner would be there forever. Nothing remains the same , I am reminded again. Things are changing and people adapt. I guess it is another lesson and reminder about the impermanence of things in life. I honestly thought it was going to be where I can get healthy breakfast every morning regardless because they have been there since as long as I can remember. A staple destination for those looking for cheap, healthy alternative breakfast. And yet.. There is no birth or death, but arrival and departure from one form to the next This is, of course, also a reminder to always appreciate what we have in front our eyes and in our lives at this very momen...

I have a stack of cards, some call it Tarot cards which I bought some years back. It's supposed to be answers given by Archangel Michael, a protector, healer and the leader of an army against evil.  When I am confused or need an answer that my friends or family can't give me, I sometimes use the cards, just for reassurances.  I've never gotten a bad card before and I started doubting if there were any bad cards in the stack. There were. I then started to question the validity of the cards since I've almost always gotten very positive or neutral cards.  But last night, something happened and it's something that I've always known was bad for me. I know because for over 10 years, I know this person has done bad things to me, despite the fact that he is not a bad person. Deep down, he's a good person in many other ways. Just not to me or simply a bad match for me.  Because of the suddenness of it all, I asked Archangel Michael to offer me some i...

Part of zen is not to hang onto rotten pasts. Also part of zen is to not hang onto good ones. Things change all the time and we must remain flexible even when things are looking up for us because neither good or bad will stay forever. I've said it before that the end of 2016 and the whole of 2017 was a struggle for me and the kids. This year, things are a little better already. But it's not all rose bushes, rainbows and unicorns. Adjustment is always hard. I view it, however, as positive adjustments.  Here's a reminder to myself that although things are changing little by little where hope is opening up a few windows for us this year, we are not to hang onto the little wins either.  It would be like drinking wine/beer and trying to hang onto the high. Tomorrow is a new day and while we appreciate and are grateful for the good things that are coming, attachment is going to bring on pain.  One step at a time. One foot in front of the other. And trust that w...

This should inspire me to keep my act together for the other non-drinking days.  I used to use alcohol as an outlet for release during the harshest days, it was my way of saying eff it all . But it often, as we all know, result in the horriblest mornings ever. You struggle not just in the morning, but after lunch, your head in ready to explode, if not implode.  I think one of the best ways to move me forward, something of a reward, is to guarantee myself that I can drink to high heavens, back to hell and then soar without a care in the world is to reward myself every Friday or Saturday....or both! So, all I need to actually do is to survive 5 days of being normal and then 2 days of absolute wild abandon. Sort of giving your mental health a bit of a break from all that freaking thinking, analyzing and worrying.  Let's see how this works, eh?