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A Dead End

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My dreams were dashed but I refuse to back down because I believe in myself. I did not come this far just to come this far. I am going further, hoping that the next journey will be the right path.

I am deeply disappointed because I thought they threw me a lifeline and all I did was do what I have always been doing, something I am already all too familiar with.

But I have to play the game well too. I am not familiar with this game or I have long forgotten how it is played. Fair enough.

I am back to where I was before but I refuse to stop just because an immense feeling of guilt and worthlessness is settling over my heart at the moment. From time to time, I have to remind myself of how I came this far. Someone will see value in that, one day.

The face of Cathy, Jenny and Barbie (what a name) will forever be etched in my mind. Their scorn, the look of dismissal. The times when Jenny jumped at me every single time I speak. The times when Cathy was all too quick to ask me for help and then thank me profusely. How she switched so quickly at the end.

I can't help people who don't want to be helped, that's my conclusion. Sometimes, that's the way it is. Things don't work out.

Honestly, I've been rejected many times before and doors have been slammed in my face. These past few years have made me really grown more mature. My thinking is simple, practical, and too realistic.

Playing the game is part of life and growth.

I don't want to remember the way they treat me because that's not what I want to take away from this experience. I will learn how to navigate human behaviors better through this instead. Being nice isn't always the right way to be.

But my personality is like this, I try to be nice as much as I can be regardless of how people treat me. It stings to realize that not everyone thinks and behaves the same but that's the reality of life.

I need to remember that everything changes, good and bad. And none of it should stop us from moving forward in life. Why babies love to play peek-a-boo and adults hate changes and unpredictability is beyond me. Maybe we should all go back to thinking like babies...liking changes and surprises.

It was shocking for me to be given such a short tenure and deadline. It really, really shocked me and did not see it coming.

Maybe that's the lesson. Always remember that there's a lesson in everything.
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