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No Dreams of Marrying Rich

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I never wished to live a rich life It would have been great if I was rich or married rich but it was never something I looked out for.

Even the guys I dated and married were proor. But they had hope. That was I was attracted to. But the thing is this...why do I have to live such a sad, poor life? What did I do that was so wrong?

I am not saying this because I am disgruntled or comparing myself to others around me but I never chased the dream of marrying rich or making it as a millionaire. I knew I had talent and I did what I thought I had to do to make life fun and also survivable.

At times, now that we're under lockdown because of the Coronavirus, I have slightly more time to think about things.

The choices I've made in my life - wow.

I thought I did the right thing...wrong. I thought it was what I was born to do...wrong. I thought it was the right person...wrong. I thought it was the right circumstance...wrong. I thought it was the right time...wrong.

But I guess that's how people learn from life. The school of hard knocks?

When I was working under employment, I've met some people who thought they knew everything about work and what I do for a living. They were arrogant as fug. They said and did things to undermine my abilities and experience. And yet, I let them.

I never stood up for myself and even when I did, they trampled on. I should have fought all the way to the end. If I've learned one thing from this whole thing...there are no nice people out there except for your family .

Even then, I was snapped like a twig by people I thought of as family. Even then, they can betray you or disappoint you. But as long as they are a part of your family, it's a part of your life contract.

I guess you can say the same thing about the people you meet along the way. They're meant to kick your ass and hand it over to you on a plate because there's a lesson to that.

The problem with me is that I am not assertive enough and I don't like to fight. When push comes to shove, I'll defend with all my might. To fight? I don't think I have that kind of DNA.

Being out in the world shows me that this is a requirement if you want to come back in one piece. If you don't destroy someone in your way, they'll destroy you. I hate thinking that way but this is what people have taught me thus far. There's no winning for the nice guy.

Am I bitter? No. I am not. I am simply wiser.
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