Single Mom Striking Out

Just because I make so much effort to be nice to people, to be understanding, to be nice to people, it doesn't mean that I am perfect. It also does not mean that despite my own efforts, people will do the same to me.  Been told some harsh realities this morning and as much as it was a mutual outburst, the finality, the crushing words, the ' this is reality, face it ' tone of voice, really makes me feel like the bubble that I've been living in and trying to protect has burst open.  The world is not a fair place, nor is it always a nice one. That's the reality.  Maybe I've been the kind of person who deserves such a treatment because I am different  or too sensitive  or simply too head in the clouds . Is that wrong? Is it wrong to be positive and hope for the best?  Maybe now, as in this case, it is shown that my world is a really fragile one. My thoughts are too inward and I should expand. 

How does Trump do it? Really, how DOES he do it? As a person who reads consistently to talks, online seminars, logical TedTalks and Buddhist talks, they always serve as a reminder to me to be aware of the Ego, to not be consumed by it and try not to let it lead the decisions that I make in life.  When Ego gets in the way, you're excluding yourself from many good (and some bad, admittedly) things in life but as a little bit of an optimistic person, I try to look at the fact that there MAY be more good out there than bad.  But how does Trump focus so much on himself, his wealth, his name, his brand, his popularity, his wins, his achievements and his own accomplishments to be sitting there in the Oval Office still? Sometimes I wonder if all those talks and the people I've listened to have been wrong after all.  If focusing on yourself so much is wrong, how did and does Trump do it? In his rallies, over and over again, he emphasizes on his own wins, the p...

Why do I feel guilty for feeling something I know that is almost completely natural? Is something wrong with me? Am I overly sensitive again or am I just living in my own bubble? Am I OK to the world, is the world OK to me? Am I just immersed in ONE person, one GROUP or just living in my own mind-bubble? Letting others determine whether you are living your life right or not should not be the way. Everyone has his or her way of living their lives, and just because one person does not see it the way you do, does not mean that YOU are wrong, or she/he is wrong. There is no right or wrong. There's just you...and them...and us...all trying to live and survive in this messy world. Everyone has wars and battles that they are not showing. Well, some show it more than others but everyone has his or her own ghost. Should our battles intertwine, then we should help each other in ways that we can or can afford to, in time and in money. But if we can't, then there is to be no blame. B...

After all that fighting with the first week of meds, I finally feel like I am slightly more human and I can even consume food without throwing up anymore! It's a big celebration at the dinner table, it's a big celebration in the room and it's also a big celebration on the inside of me.  Taking care of myself has never been as important as last month when the sickness took over every single aspect of my life, every second of my life, and every ounce of my energy. When you're well, it's OK to fight all the way to planet Pluto and back  because you have it together. But when you're sick, there's nothing more humbling than your body telling you that you absolutely CANNOT.  Being this way has everything to do with being a single mother. Being alone or lonely was never much of an option for me and that has to do with the way I was brought up and the way I grew up. I had to fasttrack a lot of things and many times, when I failed, I had to pick everything u...

I've been thinking a whole lot about my past failures. The times I agitated and pissed of (or were pissed of by) others, the ties I've severed. The people I've said fuck you  to, the people I've asked to leave my life, the people whose lives I've left, and the people who I knew did more harm to my life than good.  I've also thought about my life as a teenager, a young adult, the pain that I've probably unconsciously inflicted on the people around me, my parents, my ex-boyfriends, my co-workers, my ex, my kids, my in-laws, everyone.  Maybe I just feel sad because there's something at the back of my mind that I can't solve. It's a situation that I find myself stuck in because no matter how Wonder Woman  I think I am or can be, it's beyond me.  I look to God and I look to Karma, I look to the Sky, the Universe for answers and for months, an answer is not forthcoming. God cannot solve financial problems, only humans can.  I keep ...

Sometimes the need to find an answer is overwhelming when it comes to your loved ones, isn't it? Anyone who is a parent will know this better than anyone else. The sudden demise. The unanswered questions. The unending personal debate about whether it was your fault. The devil that sits on your shoulder, consistently telling you things that your mind wants to forget.  There are various stages of loss:- First, you deny   it Then you're furiously angry that it happened or things are not going your way You bargain for another answer...any OTHER better answer to the insane things that are going through your head You sink into the deep dark hole of depression and refuses to see anyone or answer any other questions. You refuse consolation or comfort of any kind.  And then finally, you accept that things happened and it's not going to change any time soon, no matter what you did.  I know this personally when my friend committed suicide and although I was nev...