Failure... Let Them Teach You

I've been thinking a whole lot about my past failures. The times I agitated and pissed of (or were pissed of by) others, the ties I've severed. The people I've said fuck you to, the people I've asked to leave my life, the people whose lives I've left, and the people who I knew did more harm to my life than good.

I've also thought about my life as a teenager, a young adult, the pain that I've probably unconsciously inflicted on the people around me, my parents, my ex-boyfriends, my co-workers, my ex, my kids, my in-laws, everyone.

Maybe I just feel sad because there's something at the back of my mind that I can't solve. It's a situation that I find myself stuck in because no matter how Wonder Woman I think I am or can be, it's beyond me.

I look to God and I look to Karma, I look to the Sky, the Universe for answers and for months, an answer is not forthcoming. God cannot solve financial problems, only humans can.

I keep telling myself that if there's a way INTO this problem, there's a way out. The Universe does not give people problems that they cannot solve. We only have to look a little harder, search a little deeper and find a little longer.

Really? Is it? Is it really THAT simple?

For months I have been searching and there is this dread at the back of my mind that keeps wondering if I will ever stop wondering. When will this issue be a thing of the past? When I will be released from ever having to worry about it? When will I be free?

Although technically, it's not a failure on my part because it is a success in every other way, but my failure to deal with the problem early on has brought me this far. And if I have come this far, I suppose I can keep going, keep looking, for twice as long. I only need to keep my head up, hopes up, spirit up and keep looking.

There HAS to be an answer.

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