Skip to main content

Failure... Let Them Teach You

By
I've been thinking a whole lot about my past failures. The times I agitated and pissed of (or were pissed of by) others, the ties I've severed. The people I've said fuck you to, the people I've asked to leave my life, the people whose lives I've left, and the people who I knew did more harm to my life than good. 

I've also thought about my life as a teenager, a young adult, the pain that I've probably unconsciously inflicted on the people around me, my parents, my ex-boyfriends, my co-workers, my ex, my kids, my in-laws, everyone. 

Maybe I just feel sad because there's something at the back of my mind that I can't solve. It's a situation that I find myself stuck in because no matter how Wonder Woman I think I am or can be, it's beyond me. 

I look to God and I look to Karma, I look to the Sky, the Universe for answers and for months, an answer is not forthcoming. God cannot solve financial problems, only humans can. 

I keep telling myself that if there's a way INTO this problem, there's a way out. The Universe does not give people problems that they cannot solve. We only have to look a little harder, search a little deeper and find a little longer. 

Really? Is it? Is it really THAT simple? 

For months I have been searching and there is this dread at the back of my mind that keeps wondering if I will ever stop wondering. When will this issue be a thing of the past? When I will be released from ever having to worry about it? When will I be free?

Although technically, it's not a failure on my part because it is a success in every other way, but my failure to deal with the problem early on has brought me this far. And if I have come this far, I suppose I can keep going, keep looking, for twice as long. I only need to keep my head up, hopes up, spirit up and keep looking. 

There HAS to be an answer.  

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

R.I.P. to Another Shining Star : Kim Jonghyun

By
Generally speaking, I DO listen to a little bit of Kpop, not always, but when I do, I am almost always enraptured by the countless melodic compositions and ballads. My favorite Korean singer, to this very day, remains to be Sung Si Kyung and Shinhwa. I've also listened to TVXQ, Super Junior, ZE;A and many others. I sometimes search up Girls Generation because I like how the girls' long limbs are almost always so coordinated, they look like clockwork. But that was maybe the problem...the clockwork. Kim Jonghyun, a member of Shinee, took his own life this week, days shy of Christmas and a brand new year. It tears at my heart a little, the same way it did when I found out Chester Bennington ended his own. Shining stars on our planet, blessed with emotional breath so deep that their emotions would often seep out of their skins and spread across the sea of tens of thousands of fans during their concerts and live performances. Even without being in their presence, their songs a...
Post a Comment
Read more

Never Thought I's Say This But...

By
...for the sheer number of years that I've spent with my head clouded with hangovers, I really never thought I'd say that I hate the feeling. Finally opened the bottle of white wine my former neighbor gave me before we left the old home and had it while watching a show. It was a nice feeling. But I hated the feeling the next day. The anxiety. The shakiness. The uncertainty. The headache. The inability to string my thoughts together. There were moments when I sat down with my eyes closed, wondering to myself how I did this before. Not for years, but for more than a decade. For more than 10 years, I often woke up with a clouded head. It's coming to 2 years since I've decided to turn the tables around. There are days when I still drink with friends, myself and with neighbors. I would, however, say that it has become more of a social obligation than anything else. I enjoy the short few hours of bravado and excitement and then wake up the next day with my head splitt...
Post a Comment
Read more

Be Yourself, everyone else is already taken – Oscar Wilde

By
Of all the quotes that I go through on a daily basis, I think this one struck too close to the heart.  I think the 'trying to be someone else' syndrome is more common amongst girls and ladies than boys or men. That is because society and the media feeds girls with the image of how we should be, how slim we should persevere to be, the type of love we should expect from our other half, the kind of kids we should have, the kind of life we should expect when we love those around us....etc. In today's society, it's even more worrying and suffice to say that I have become thankful that I do not have daughters. If I did, I would have to spend considerable time and effort to assure them that not everyone have to be like the Olsen twins and that Paris Hilton does NOT have a perfect life. And no, you should not turn yourself into one of the Kardashians to be popular amongst your friends. I think of all the things that I wished my parents taught me as I was growing up is this...
Post a Comment
Read more