Almost had a panic attack in the middle of driving along a highway last night. I could feel it sneaking up on me but with my personal history, I know too well exactly what it feels like. It's like ants crawling up my arms, my mind going haywire, the start of a faint tremble and the rapid breathing.
But with this knowledge, I've also learned how to recognize it, not fight it and continue breathing. Letting it sit down next to me and stop fighting. I know that the moment I try to fight the feeling, that's when it will win and I will have a full-blown panic attack right in the middle of a highway. This could be TERRIBLE!
You don't know when and why it hits you, that's the problem with this disease. It could be brought on by a full busy day, a stressful phone call or just the chocolate ice-cream you just ate. It sucks. But knowing what it feels like makes all the difference in the world. I look back now and know that it was probably brought on by guilt.
End 2006 and the whole 2017 has been terrible for me and the kids. It has been incredibly stressful for me and the kids had their norm wrangled out of their grasps. But nothing in life remains constant and exposure to sudden changes and trying to cope with them is an important part of living.
As a parent, I've fought change as hard as I could because changing something means I am no longer in complete control. And I need control in order to not go insane. But every time something changes, I suffer guilt if it affects others, especially the kids. This was what happened, brought on by guilt and berating of myself. Highlighting my own failures, time and time again, beating myself up, and wishing things were different.
But the good thing was that I won. I stayed focused on the road, one kilometer at a time, telling myself there is no other alternative but to continue. Whatever was going on is going to go away soon...and to be patient. And trust. I told myself to trust myself, that I was doing great. Sometimes panic and anxiety attacks have no reason to visit you but if you know what it looks like, you might have a better idea on how to deal with it.
But with this knowledge, I've also learned how to recognize it, not fight it and continue breathing. Letting it sit down next to me and stop fighting. I know that the moment I try to fight the feeling, that's when it will win and I will have a full-blown panic attack right in the middle of a highway. This could be TERRIBLE!
You don't know when and why it hits you, that's the problem with this disease. It could be brought on by a full busy day, a stressful phone call or just the chocolate ice-cream you just ate. It sucks. But knowing what it feels like makes all the difference in the world. I look back now and know that it was probably brought on by guilt.
End 2006 and the whole 2017 has been terrible for me and the kids. It has been incredibly stressful for me and the kids had their norm wrangled out of their grasps. But nothing in life remains constant and exposure to sudden changes and trying to cope with them is an important part of living.
As a parent, I've fought change as hard as I could because changing something means I am no longer in complete control. And I need control in order to not go insane. But every time something changes, I suffer guilt if it affects others, especially the kids. This was what happened, brought on by guilt and berating of myself. Highlighting my own failures, time and time again, beating myself up, and wishing things were different.
But the good thing was that I won. I stayed focused on the road, one kilometer at a time, telling myself there is no other alternative but to continue. Whatever was going on is going to go away soon...and to be patient. And trust. I told myself to trust myself, that I was doing great. Sometimes panic and anxiety attacks have no reason to visit you but if you know what it looks like, you might have a better idea on how to deal with it.
Comments
Post a Comment