Skip to main content

Emotions and Human Reaction

By
Someone said something really degrading to me the other day which I think was meant to be a compliment. It made me feel cheap and like a sex object.

Why do people do this?

I am more than a vagina. I didn't live my whole life trying to attract men to sleep with me. In fact, I have gone out of my way to NOT do that because that is not what I want.

I have been through enough to KNOW that is not what I want and yet, why do men still do that?

Is sex all they think about? Or is it a result of what I project? In fact, my neighbor and his friends (and a former neighbor) just wanted me to sleep with the behind their wives' back.

Do I look that desperate? Maybe I should dress a little better? If that is what it takes, then I will do it! Seriously! Just so that men will stop thinking I am desperate for sex which I am not.

But maybe I shouldn't react to it. I rarely give first reactions these days. I always wait a few days after hearing something something from a friend or family, think about it, process the emotions that come along with it and THEN react to it in a way that I authentically feel. Not when I am highly stressed, angry, sad, happy, emotional, drunk  or otherwise impaired in thinking. 

I read that to feel is to be human. There's no escaping human emotions. But the thing is that I want to be authentic and I want the feeling to be more than a flash i the pan. 

This feeling of being treated like cheap piece of meat has lasted me a couple of days and I still feel like I don't want to talk about intimate body parts and what I 'prefer during sex' with a person I barely know. 

I will grant him one thing - he was drunk out of his mind. But you know what they say...honest words come out of a drunk man. I believe it was what he was thinking. But what he was thinking disturbs me and my peace. 

One day, I will find a way to show people that it is OK to be completely single and happy. 

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Never Thought I's Say This But...

By
...for the sheer number of years that I've spent with my head clouded with hangovers, I really never thought I'd say that I hate the feeling. Finally opened the bottle of white wine my former neighbor gave me before we left the old home and had it while watching a show. It was a nice feeling. But I hated the feeling the next day. The anxiety. The shakiness. The uncertainty. The headache. The inability to string my thoughts together. There were moments when I sat down with my eyes closed, wondering to myself how I did this before. Not for years, but for more than a decade. For more than 10 years, I often woke up with a clouded head. It's coming to 2 years since I've decided to turn the tables around. There are days when I still drink with friends, myself and with neighbors. I would, however, say that it has become more of a social obligation than anything else. I enjoy the short few hours of bravado and excitement and then wake up the next day with my head splitt...
Post a Comment
Read more

R.I.P. to Another Shining Star : Kim Jonghyun

By
Generally speaking, I DO listen to a little bit of Kpop, not always, but when I do, I am almost always enraptured by the countless melodic compositions and ballads. My favorite Korean singer, to this very day, remains to be Sung Si Kyung and Shinhwa. I've also listened to TVXQ, Super Junior, ZE;A and many others. I sometimes search up Girls Generation because I like how the girls' long limbs are almost always so coordinated, they look like clockwork. But that was maybe the problem...the clockwork. Kim Jonghyun, a member of Shinee, took his own life this week, days shy of Christmas and a brand new year. It tears at my heart a little, the same way it did when I found out Chester Bennington ended his own. Shining stars on our planet, blessed with emotional breath so deep that their emotions would often seep out of their skins and spread across the sea of tens of thousands of fans during their concerts and live performances. Even without being in their presence, their songs a...
Post a Comment
Read more

Unsticking yourself from Old Belief Systems

By
It's the raining season over here in Malaysia and going out for anything  can be a hassle, you know what I am talking about Florida, Washington and London. Either you are going to end up completely drenched or your sneakers are going to smell a little funky tomorrow. Today, my son said something to me when I lamented about the rain. ' Mom, we've got enough umbrellas, why is it that we never use them and end up running about frantically ?' Good question, my son. I don't know the answer myself. Why? LOL So, we grabbed the few umbrellas on the way out for lunch and we splashed around in the rain, flicking rain water at each other as we catch them falling from the edges of the umbrellas. Like kids do, not worrying about the sneakers tomorrow or getting sick tomorrow. It's funny when kids ask you questions like these and you realize that you stuck to something in your brain without knowing why you're doing it. The answers to why I never used the umbrellas...
Post a Comment
Read more