Single Mom Striking Out

April 26th... She's gone. Her journey is over. Her fight is finished. My brother and I were to drop by the hospital tonight after work to see her but she couldn't wait. It's funny how you know something is happening but you don't know what is happening at the same time. I sat down in the car crying. Nothing new. But this time it's for real. It's over. I can only take comfort in the fact that she did what she wanted to do in life. See the world, ran marathons, met people, ate, saw movies, held hands and made friends. She's not perfect, we all know that but she is what she is and we are family. We love her for it, despite and because of it. Yes, she didn't deserve to die so young but her journey was over. Whatever mission she set out to do, it's complete.

I posted this picture before I found out bad bad news today. It seems as though my relative is not making it too well with her chemo and the doctor has pretty negative things to say about her condition recently.  Because her body has been taking a beating, they ruled out chemo and trying to find alternatives.  Every time bad things happen, I sit down every single day to pray for them, light an extra joss stick on their behalf and pray.  I am beginning to lose faith in the power of prayer, I have to admit.  I spend nearly 2 months praying everyday, keeping my friend in my thoughts, for her to wake up from her coma. It didn't work. At the same time, I also prayed for my relative's well-being and it looked as if she was fighting back and doing OK-ish.  But it's not really so.  She's been admitted into the hospital and not doing so well. The doctor's preparing everyone for the worst case scenario.  I feel downtrodden because th...

Bad news comes along everyday but last year alone, quite a few bad news struck me. The timing was like a mechanical pendulum. I thought to myself several times that I had enough, that what I needed was a break. A 10 day retreat where I am required to speak to no one, do nothing, listen to silence and nature and just be what I am meant to be.  But real life is not something you can escape for a long period of time. I served my silence....but reality will pendulum-swing back. A friend passed away after being in a coma for a few months. I know both husband and wife and they've always been really positive about handling the toughest of life situations. We may not agree with everything, but we do agree on many. During the time she was unconscious, I prayed every single day. I kid you not.  Her husband would report about her condition, good or bad, and I would either offer thanks or pray for good news and strength. Even during the worst hit moments, I kept the posi...

I am having one of those down days, or month, where everything seems to be falling apart at the same time and funds are running out. I take heart in the fact that along the way, some things got fixed too. But you know...one of THOSE days when everything seems to be working against you. I just have to remember that nothing lasts forever, including bad times and down moments like these. Counting my lucky stars and being grateful for things that ARE right in my life, I shall write an extra 'gratefulness note' tonight and place it into my 'thankful jar'. I have one but I am not consistent about writing them and placing them in the jar. I am just human and am allowed to feel the way I am feeling without the extra weight of guilt. I don't deserve it. Just thinking...people who have never walked a day in my shoes will never understand what I go through. They never will. My son just told me that I am one of the most resilient people in the world. This boy is an amaz...

Life is not a competition. There is no award at the end of the day. If you win something at the end of this journey, it is experience, lessons, insights and memories. All we need to do is to be the better and best version of ourselves. No one else can dictate or tell you what to do with 'life' because it is your journey. Accept that people will judge and then keep your head up, move on. I sometimes feel sorry for my kids for being their mom but you know what? There's nothing to be sorry about.

I was just chit-chatting about how sometimes we need a helping hand in life. A large part of my life, I've been independent and single-minded....and maybe a little over-confident and stubborn. #lol It is exactly these qualities that stopped me from asking for help when I need them.  When I had my kids, THAT was when I needed it the most and suffice to say, I got none from an ex who thought nothing good about me, and from parents I have quite obviously pissed off because of my over-confident decisions in life.  The thing is that I have been taught, most of my life, that I have to be independent. I have to be self-sufficient. Study, work hard, make money and then stand on your own two feet.  This sounds a lot like what most Asians parents will tell you, huh? Well, then you're familiar with this, then. What truly broke me, however, was marrying someone who saw me as nothing but a piece of meat that was taking up too much unnecessary space on this pla...