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A Good, Peaceful, Free Birthday

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I had a splendid birthday this year because I felt at peace living in a place I liked, it was a public holiday and I did simple things that I enjoyed.

I took a break from work, took two bottles of soju the night before, did not make a fool out of myself, spent the day watching Spiderman, and then had a massive dinner buffet with the two most important people in my life - my boys.

It's the perfect kind of birthday! No fanfare, no biggies needed. Just a simple day of freedom. It was sheer luck that it fell on a holiday this year, must thank my lucky stars and be grateful. It doesn't happen every year.

I got a little emo a moment ago when I was listening to Paul Young's song, Everything Much Change.

For someone who resist change and try to make everything as status quo as possible, the past few years' been a roller coaster that I never anticipated. Everything is changed and I don't know anything anymore.

During my years of being the only parent to my two young boys, I've learned to yearn for stability - the stability my rocky marriage never gave me. I've learnt hat when the ground shook, I had to hold it still myself. I have no one else. If I fall, everything else falls apart. I had to be the pillar.

And now that things are changing around quite a bit, without my wanting it to, I am starting to shake again.

Oh, and I am quite happy with the fact that I bought 5 bottles of soju and have quite a collection of beer in the fridge, I no longer feel the urge to finish it up, or cap the night off with 'one or two drinks'. One or two drinks never end up being one or two drinks.

And now that my body's gotten used to not having to purge out the day's events or shut out the noise of the night, I am in a better place.

Sometimes it's hard to get to sleep. Other times, I knock off without knowing when, what, why, and how.

It's a good thing.
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