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Finally, A Refuge

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After staying in this new home, my cousin's former home, for a month or so, I can finally say that I feel safe, comfortable and have a refuge. I can't believe we stayed in a house that felt like a torture house for 7 months before this.

They say some things happen for a reason and that we won't see the reason until a little later...it's true.

What happened, no matter how senseless and cruel it felt at that time, was actually a blessing in disguise. By kicking us out of that house that he prides so much of owning and renting out, the landlord may have done us a favor. So, I should silently thank him for being the asshole that he is and I hope I never have to deal with him again.

Now that I think back, there was a time that I naively suggested that maybe we could work together in the future since he was sort of in the same field. I remember his scoff. I was puzzled and didn't think much about it although I felt it was uncalled for and bordering on rude, but I didn't know that he looked down on me.

Now I know.

There are tiny little quirks with this house, as with all houses, but it makes me feel very safe and comfortable. I know I let a lot of things go in the past one or two years. It's been pure madness and sent me spiraling into depression and anxiety.

People left me, abandoned me, the company that I worked with/for for the past 13 years told me that I wasn't needed anymore. My in-laws whom I continued to think of as 'family' wordlessly showed me the door by welcoming the bitch their son cheated on me with. I was told I was a freeloader, senseless, and stupid.

Maybe I am all of the above, I don't know. I wrote down in my journal a lot of thoughts and this is one that I am still pondering over...what kind of person am I?

I still don't have an answer to that one.
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