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Sad Friday

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I feel sad today because I lost my temper. I should have kept my cool but couldn't. I tried but he was really giving me attitude. I felt like all those years as his mom was wasted and my effort went down the drain.

However, sometimes, this is what a family is like. We get impatient, lose our temper, declare war, or even spend years not talking to each other, sometimes, over petty stuff that could have been overlooked.

This is what being a human is like - conflict and resolution even within a family. Actually, especially within a family.

At the back of my mind, of course, was my own guilt and self-blame. My own regrets and anger. I wonder if I have done the right things. On the outside, everything looks fine and I am confident but on the inside, there's a raging fire. There's war.

One day, I will know how to handle this inside war better. Not today because I lost an inner battle with myself.

I also wonder if I am better off being somewhere else, or being with someone who can be a companion for life. And then I think again, is there such a thing? Companion for life?

We come alone, we die alone, no matter who we have in our lives. That's the rule of nature. We come, do our parts, learn our lessons, complete our missions, and then we leave. The law of the Universe.
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