Single Mom Striking Out

Every single day.... People have no idea what it feels like to be a single parent...whether you're a mom or a dad. Especially when you don't have a support system.  Considering the questions that I have been asking myself lately which includes:- Am I lonely? Am I too picky? Am I too cocky? Am I too obnoxious? Am I too self-absorbed? Am I too family-focused? Am I neglecting myself? Do I need a man? Do I WANT a man? What kind of fun would I like to have as a person, as the little girl that I used to be, the fun-loving teenager and brazen adult? What if money wasn't an issue with this family? What am I missing as a human, as a person? I've been told that I should focus on myself and throw caution to the wind. Have fun, there is no better time to have it all than RIGHT NOW. Forget about everything and just let it go.  Can I ? What about the bills? What about the food, the kids and their upbringing? Would it be better with a man arou...

Someone said something really degrading to me the other day which I think was meant to be a compliment. It made me feel cheap and like a sex object. Why do people do this? I am more than a vagina. I didn't live my whole life trying to attract men to sleep with me. In fact, I have gone out of my way to NOT do that because that is not what I want. I have been through enough to KNOW that is not what I want and yet, why do men still do that? Is sex all they think about? Or is it a result of what I project? In fact, my neighbor and his friends (and a former neighbor) just wanted me to sleep with the behind their wives' back. Do I look that desperate? Maybe I should dress a little better? If that is what it takes, then I will do it! Seriously! Just so that men will stop thinking I am desperate for sex which I am not. But maybe I shouldn't react to it. I rarely give first reactions these days. I always wait a few days after hearing something something from...

Had a horrible start of the day with my Dinosaur Boy and it was a nose-to-nose argument. I maintained my position as THE boss of this house and I want to do so because I am paying all the bills. Not to mention the fact that I freaking gave birth to him .  He has to understand and respect that. But he's maintaining his right to get angry at me for my responses.  These are difficult positions to maintain for a teenage boy and his mother.  So, in this house, it was definitely a rainy day. It was STORMING and I wanted to walk out of the house and never come back! Driving away from the house felt liberating. I am ashamed to feel this way but I shouldn't. There's no shame in that because most parents will feel this at one point of their lives. If they have not, they've either not been around much or are lying. But like every rain, ☔ it ends. It has to end because it is not possible to rain forever. No matter what it is or was, he is my Dinosaur Boy. Forev...

We often wait for the right time to do things. We try to prepare. Is there a right time to do things? To do ANYTHING? I find myself pausing, thinking that what is out there is unknown. It's scary and I am not ready. But are we EVER ready completely? I've heard it a thousand times over that I should take the leap and honestly speaking, as a youth, I was really good at taking the leap. I wasn't afraid of anything because I thought I knew what to do. Of course I walked into walls. But I continued walking anyway . That's the bravado of the young. Now that I have children and am significantly older, the pausing has become longer. There is no right time to do anything. Anything in life can snap and be taken away from us without notice, anyway. So, if we think about it, what's the point of pausing and waiting for the right time again? In reality, the time may never come. Anyone can talk about it, I know, and it makes sense. But when you're ...

The world tells us lots of stories all the time. Some of them are painful, as with the recent Florida shooting. How are we to sit there meditating and feel at peace with ourselves and the world? This article tells us something simple. If you find a parking spot, do you sit there and hang out, or do you get out of the car to your intended destination? You don't have to hang out with the bad things you experience and you don't have to hang out with the good either. You just need to reach there, get out and move on. Tomorrow, you'll need to find a new parking spot. https://www.lionsroar.com/how-could-meditation-feel-peaceful-after-a-mass-shooting/

Life is fleeting and we have a finite number of days, finite number of hours, finite number of minutes and finite number of seconds in this world. We have to choose how we react, accept and battle each thing that comes our way. We can't fight all of them because that's not what we are meant to do. We don't know when it is our time to go and there's no time to worry about what everyone thinks of you. Only the important ones deserve your attention and time. Choose wisely.

I was listening to a Buddhist podcast today about 'polygamous marriage'. Yes, a monk talking about marriage. Get that. But there was a lot of sense made there. For one, impermanence and loving yourself. I've had a friend who boasts of self love to me consistently. Even when I am not asking, she would insist that she loves herself. But she is not capable of being BY HERSELF. I am not speculating or condemning anyone but this is a fact that I know first hand. Anyway, the monk highlighted something that truly made sense to me. If you love yourself, you don't have to be with anyone. But when you ARE in a relationship, you are more capable of appreciating the person instead of needing the person. This makes for a stronger relationship because you don't take things for granted. Every single day with this person is a bonus. So when things end (and in his words, it WILL end and it is not going to be 'end up in heaven together at the same time' )...