Single Mom Striking Out

I had a splendid birthday this year because I felt at peace living in a place I liked, it was a public holiday and I did simple things that I enjoyed. I took a break from work, took two bottles of soju the night before, did not make a fool out of myself, spent the day watching Spiderman, and then had a massive dinner buffet with the two most important people in my life - my boys. It's the perfect kind of birthday! No fanfare, no biggies needed. Just a simple day of freedom. It was sheer luck that it fell on a holiday this year, must thank my lucky stars and be grateful. It doesn't happen every year. I got a little emo a moment ago when I was listening to Paul Young's song, Everything Much Change. For someone who resist change and try to make everything as status quo as possible, the past few years' been a roller coaster that I never anticipated. Everything is changed and I don't know anything anymore. During my years of being the only parent to my two youn...

Since moving out of our long-time home, it's been some time since I can say that I am happy living in a place that feels like home. The previous house was hell. Now I see it. I guess, the landlord being an asshole with me and the kids is a blessing in disguise after all. It may seem like such a high price to pay, in terms of getting bullied, angry and unfairly treated and money-wise, if they did not kick us out when they did, I would still have been trying to tolerate living in that house. Everything, therefore, happens for a reason. Yeah, I know the traffic here is horrendous and it's so far away from what I am so accustomed to but generally speaking, this feels more like home than the previous house ever will. They've said some really mean things to me and I've also retaliated (I know I am no angel too) but it can only go downhill if we continued staying in that house. They hate me so much that it made me wonder if I was really all in the wrong. I wonder too, ...

I've got tons of books that I get free from my favorite temple, somewhere I used to lived near. I've moved away from the area but I will continue to go to the temple simply because it's become a safe haven for me whenever I feel troubled or need some calm and respite from the hustle of everyday life. So, I've decided to share some of the stuff I find enlightening and I'll start off with the most renowned of them all - Ajahn Chah . *** Credit: Sebastian Unrau on Unsplash The Simple Truth Traditionally, the Eightfold Path is taught with eight steps such as Right Understanding, Right Speech, Right Concentration, and so forth. But the true Eightfold Path is within us - two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, a tongue, and a body. These right doors are our entire Path and the mind is the one that walks on the Path. Know these doors, examine them, and all the dharmas will be revealed. The heart of the path is so simple. No need for long explanations. Give up cling...

Yesterday (Monday) and today was hell in the morning fighting traffic gridlock that saw us sitting in the car stuck in unmoving traffic right outside our house despite having left it 20 minutes earlier. Apart from that, we're totally loving living in this new place. I thanked my cousin so many times for giving us the chance to stay in this house. Not my older cousin brother, but my cousin sister who actually bought and stayed in this house when she was alive. We love the gym, the convenience of having many stores all around us, the airiness of the place, the cooling atmosphere, and the security. On the day of moving into this new place, I had a couple of run-ins with the car. I bumped into someone while reversing right at the guardhouse of this condo early in the morning while I was in a rush, and then later, a truck bumped into me at an intersection. Not only that, I scraped the passenger side of the car door at the old place in Damansara Jaya while trying to park properly t...

This is the second time we've moved house in two years. It was only at the end of 2018 that we started lugging our one-million-and-one-things around to the new place only to find out that we were living in a place we were not only uncomfortable in, the landlord was an awful person. There are many different kinds of people in this world, I know, and I accept that. But to be mean to the extent of being cruel is quite another story. Anyway, that's his life, his personality, and his decision. It's not up to me. Sad to say, the move-in did not start off with a bang. Actually, it did. I hit another person's car while reversing, and then I got a brand new scratch on the passenger side of the car door. I had to pay the guy (and he was insistent and persistent) some money for the kind of repair that I didn't even think warranted it. The car I am driving right now has so many dents as it is and I can't find the time and money to do it. And yet, he says that it is a ...

It's funny how all I ever wanted from my 'other half' was stability, dependability, and someone who I can count on. And as of right now, it's harder to find than a pot of gold under the rainbow. We're moving home again. I've had the misfortune to find one of the worst landlords. I don't know the standard for landlords in Malaysia or the world, but having one that rubs you the wrong way every time he gets and belittles you, has got to rank among the lowest level of landlords. Moving house disrupts the norm and I don't like it. On top of that, because we're moving to a smaller space (my cousin's home - she's passed on due to cancer), we're ditching quite a few things from this house. Honestly speaking, ever since moving to this new house, nothing good has come out of life. Things kept getting worse and worse all the time. I don't know if moving to my cousin's old home is a good idea or if it will bring better luck and prospe...

Yesterday was a day of full-throttle for me. From morning right down to the evening, I was everywhere, doing everything. Even when I felt like crashing, I kept telling myself that I can do it. I have it in me to do it. Complete it and THEN rest. I think that's what's wrong with our societies and lives. We breach the limit and try to reach new heights (it's not a bad thing) too fast (THAT's the bad thing). Today, it came crashing down on me. My body is weak, I feel cold, a shiver is always a short shudder away, my brain is muddled up and I can't seem to concentrate. It has become one of those days . The thing is that, with society being all about the hustle, isn't crashing after pushing yourself too hard an acceptable human thing? It's normal for my body to react to the sudden adrenaline rush and influx of activities this way. This is normal. This is what being a human being is all about. Sometimes when we're gung-ho and accomplish many things...