Single Mom Striking Out

I never wished to live a rich life It would have been great if I was rich or married rich but it was never something I looked out for. Even the guys I dated and married were proor. But they had hope. That was I was attracted to. But the thing is this...why do I have to live such a sad, poor life? What did I do that was so wrong? I am not saying this because I am disgruntled or comparing myself to others around me but I never chased the dream of marrying rich or making it as a millionaire. I knew I had talent and I did what I thought I had to do to make life fun and also survivable. At times, now that we're under lockdown because of the Coronavirus, I have slightly more time to think about things. The choices I've made in my life - wow. I thought I did the right thing...wrong. I thought it was what I was born to do...wrong. I thought it was the right person...wrong. I thought it was the right circumstance...wrong. I thought it was the right time...wrong. But I guess ...

My dreams were dashed but I refuse to back down because I believe in myself. I did not come this far just to come this far. I am going further, hoping that the next journey will be the right path. I am deeply disappointed because I thought they threw me a lifeline and all I did was do what I have always been doing, something I am already all too familiar with. But I have to play the game well too. I am not familiar with this game or I have long forgotten how it is played. Fair enough. I am back to where I was before but I refuse to stop just because an immense feeling of guilt and worthlessness is settling over my heart at the moment. From time to time, I have to remind myself of how I came this far. Someone will see value in that, one day. The face of Cathy, Jenny and Barbie (what a name) will forever be etched in my mind. Their scorn, the look of dismissal. The times when Jenny jumped at me every single time I speak. The times when Cathy was all too quick to ask me for help a...

If you're able to remain positive and happy during your harshest moments, you're halfway to the real destination

I feel sad today because I lost my temper. I should have kept my cool but couldn't. I tried but he was really giving me attitude. I felt like all those years as his mom was wasted and my effort went down the drain. However, sometimes, this is what a family is like. We get impatient, lose our temper, declare war, or even spend years not talking to each other, sometimes, over petty stuff that could have been overlooked. This is what being a human is like - conflict and resolution even within a family. Actually, especially within a family. At the back of my mind, of course, was my own guilt and self-blame. My own regrets and anger. I wonder if I have done the right things. On the outside, everything looks fine and I am confident but on the inside, there's a raging fire. There's war. One day, I will know how to handle this inside war better. Not today because I lost an inner battle with myself. I also wonder if I am better off being somewhere else, or being with someo...

I don't name and shame a lot. I make it a mission not to be mean to people or organizations because I believe there's always another side to the same story. I should consider all sides before going to the extreme. But this time, I am going to do it because the organization is one of the most despicable one as far as education center is concerned. My kids have been going to Grace Resource Center , now Grace Academy (as they would like to be called), formerly known as Grace Homeschooling Center, since they were little ones. After pulling them out from a private school called Sri Inai Beaconhouse because of the escalating cost and my lack of belief in the public education system (which they were studying for), I enrolled them in Grace Resource Center for, first, their Christian-based education program. I didn't mind despite the fact that I am not a Christian because they teach good values and helps my kids be better people on top of learning what they need to learn educa...

After staying in this new home, my cousin's former home, for a month or so, I can finally say that I feel safe, comfortable and have a refuge. I can't believe we stayed in a house that felt like a torture house for 7 months before this. They say some things happen for a reason and that we won't see the reason until a little later...it's true. What happened, no matter how senseless and cruel it felt at that time, was actually a blessing in disguise. By kicking us out of that house that he prides so much of owning and renting out, the landlord may have done us a favor. So, I should silently thank him for being the asshole that he is and I hope I never have to deal with him again. Now that I think back, there was a time that I naively suggested that maybe we could work together in the future since he was sort of in the same field. I remember his scoff. I was puzzled and didn't think much about it although I felt it was uncalled for and bordering on rude, but I di...