Skip to main content

Miracles and Unicorns

By
Some people are asshole but maybe it started off with me being a bitch or asshole from the start and their response was in kind. I don't really know because I've been meeting up with some people. Some good, some uncertain, some shit heads.
Have a shitty landlord and he's really one of a kind.

But I am thinking this could be a result of me being an asshole to his father to begin with. I wasn't an asshole to his father, more like begging for time to adjust to the new place.

2019 is not starting out good so far. Money is tight and my employer is really kind of uncertain. I smell trouble, something he's not telling me outright. It seems that he's got something against hiring me.

I just don't know. Just follow my instincts.

I think it's also kind of sad that I've been reduced to a young, dreamy person, full of life, and hopeful for everything in front of her...to someone who believes that everyone has an ulterior motive. 

I don't trust people. Sometimes, I have to consciously tell myself to look at only the good points of people so that I don't have such dark glasses on. I tell myself that everyone's out there to survive, have their own battles, and are looking out for the special people in THEIR lives. 

For someone who is willing to do so many things, give up everything, for the belief that human beings are, at their cores, good people, I have come down a long, dark tunnel. 

It's making me a very gray person and I don't like it. 

I still believe in miracles and unicorns but only when I am by myself. Instead of believing that the world has miracles and unicorns, I now only see miracles and unicorns in my heart. 

The good news is that, in my heart of heart, there exists my younger self. The one who believes in dreams, the young girl who believes that if she tries hard enough, she will get far. If not the furthest, then as far as she can ever imagine herself to be. Then she would be very proud of herself despite her failures and falls because she doesn't believe that failures determine one's happiness with one's achievements. 

I can still feel that little girl in me cheering me on despite the dark dark glasses from which I am peering out behind. 

People suck, but the world doesn't have to. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

R.I.P. to Another Shining Star : Kim Jonghyun

By
Generally speaking, I DO listen to a little bit of Kpop, not always, but when I do, I am almost always enraptured by the countless melodic compositions and ballads. My favorite Korean singer, to this very day, remains to be Sung Si Kyung and Shinhwa. I've also listened to TVXQ, Super Junior, ZE;A and many others. I sometimes search up Girls Generation because I like how the girls' long limbs are almost always so coordinated, they look like clockwork. But that was maybe the problem...the clockwork. Kim Jonghyun, a member of Shinee, took his own life this week, days shy of Christmas and a brand new year. It tears at my heart a little, the same way it did when I found out Chester Bennington ended his own. Shining stars on our planet, blessed with emotional breath so deep that their emotions would often seep out of their skins and spread across the sea of tens of thousands of fans during their concerts and live performances. Even without being in their presence, their songs a...
Post a Comment
Read more

Never Thought I's Say This But...

By
...for the sheer number of years that I've spent with my head clouded with hangovers, I really never thought I'd say that I hate the feeling. Finally opened the bottle of white wine my former neighbor gave me before we left the old home and had it while watching a show. It was a nice feeling. But I hated the feeling the next day. The anxiety. The shakiness. The uncertainty. The headache. The inability to string my thoughts together. There were moments when I sat down with my eyes closed, wondering to myself how I did this before. Not for years, but for more than a decade. For more than 10 years, I often woke up with a clouded head. It's coming to 2 years since I've decided to turn the tables around. There are days when I still drink with friends, myself and with neighbors. I would, however, say that it has become more of a social obligation than anything else. I enjoy the short few hours of bravado and excitement and then wake up the next day with my head splitt...
Post a Comment
Read more

Be Yourself, everyone else is already taken – Oscar Wilde

By
Of all the quotes that I go through on a daily basis, I think this one struck too close to the heart.  I think the 'trying to be someone else' syndrome is more common amongst girls and ladies than boys or men. That is because society and the media feeds girls with the image of how we should be, how slim we should persevere to be, the type of love we should expect from our other half, the kind of kids we should have, the kind of life we should expect when we love those around us....etc. In today's society, it's even more worrying and suffice to say that I have become thankful that I do not have daughters. If I did, I would have to spend considerable time and effort to assure them that not everyone have to be like the Olsen twins and that Paris Hilton does NOT have a perfect life. And no, you should not turn yourself into one of the Kardashians to be popular amongst your friends. I think of all the things that I wished my parents taught me as I was growing up is this...
Post a Comment
Read more