Single Mom Striking Out

by  by Lori Deschene Our past actions shaped today. But we are not what we’ve been. We don’t need to carry around labels or mistakes from yesterday as if they define us. Whatever you’ve done, it’s over. It doesn’t have to brand you, particularly not if you’re making the conscious choice to do things differently now. We can judge ourselves by the weakest moments  or  the strongest—that’s our choice. Choose to focus on the strongest, and then leverage that pride for more of those moments. Every time you feel good about what you do it’s one more reminder to love who you are. Read more >> (TinyBuddha)

I know of some really great people in this world who gives kindly to others, to charitable organizations and also to poor people who are suffering from health ailments and have no way to getting medical attention.  bless these people. bless their hearts and the people that they love. when one gives from the bottom of one's heart, this is called altruistic love. love born out of compassion and kindness to another human being who is less blessed. there are all forms of charity. all good for the recipient but it makes a difference to the person who is offering the aid. one, someone who gives because he or she feels responsible. for a sick aunt, a gambler of a grandfather. a loathesome neighbor in order to protect the wife because he or she feels responsible as a neighbor. two, someone who gives because of fear. confronted with an aggressive beggar or someone who was asking for money in a threatening way, he or she gives in. this is charity under duress. three, someone who gi...

It is challenging to become more Zen-like when you are absolutely sooooo human. One of the principles that I am really struggling to learn is learning how to prevent bad thoughts from making an appearance in my head. Buddhism stresses a whole lot mindfulness and the controlling your thoughts, you see. Why i am struggling is because of a recent incident with a friend i thought was a good friend. I had it in me that this was someone i really wanted to be close to. I open up to him in many ways that i don't usually do for others. Hence, it hurt more to have him behave the way he did when things went wrong. I was extremely hurt. Therefore, till this very day, I find it hard not to feel angry and hurt whenever his name pops up in a conversation. It is as if the wounds were still fresh, that they were inflicted yesterday. But I have to move past these feelings...there isn't any point in keeping them in me. I must learn how to eradicate these bad thoughts whenever they appear ...

Many people, when thinking about Zen Buddhism, envisages someone who meditates all the time, eats little, is a Vegan, does very little, is passive and have little ambition in life. This cannot be further from the truth. In life, we have senses that receives on a consistent basis. It clutters our mind and muddles out journey. How is it possible for someone to achieve one's ambition when there is so much clutter and noise? How is it possible for us to set goals when we have so much distraction? That is where Zen comes in handy. In order to live a Zen life, our primary aim is to remove all clutter and to find our own purpose in life. We build Metta Karuna (love for self and compassion for our fellow human beings) for the betterment of humankind. In short, everyone's life is like a needle in a haystack. If we want to find the needle, we need to mindfully remove the hay. In meditation, we make it possible. It is like we are putting on a special type of glasses that helps us se...

Read about the NKVE bus crash near Negeri Sembilan (a Southern Malaysian state) yesterday night and my knees went weak....my brother travels quite constantly between KL and Johor (used to be Melaka) during the weekend and he usually goes back around evening time too. More than 40 people were injured and 12 dead and mangled because of the crash. Sigh....when will our government do something about the erratic driving style of these bus drivers? When will they be more responsible about the fact that there are many,  many lives in their hands? While it is not possible to eradicate all traffic accidents, it is possible to improve our stats. Anyway, thankfully, THANKFULLY that he was not involved. But because he was on his way back to Johor after a wedding dinner in NS, he was stuck in the jam. Journey back started at approx 11pm and he reached JB only at 5.30am. Talk about long drive, eh? that aside, i am just thankful that my brother is still here with us. may those involved ...

Everyone's born for a purpose. Live it, believe in it, have faith that you are equipped with the intuition to know which direction you are heading. Even when you have absolutely no idea what you are doing or if you are doing it for a purpose, you need to let it all go and have faith. Strive. Strive hard but take time, every single day, to slow down and reflect. If you do not know what your purpose is, it is alright. No one can be absolutely sure and certain that they are doing the right thing...but the heart knows. The right thing to do is to consult people around you, talk to them. Get their opinion on things and do not defend when they do not agree with you. It is THEIR opinion and you asked them for it. So, accept it and think about it. The most important thing is to, after asking people around you, ask YOURSELF. Always base your decisions on your instincts and experience. Is that what you want? What are the sacrifices and are you willing to make them? Would this make yo...

I have never been a morning person...just ask my mom. And do you know how hard it is to live a zen life when one is born nocturnal. I find myself the liveliest and also the most creative when the sun is down and when there is absolutely no sound whatsoever outside...including the kids. In order to live a nice, peaceful and calm life, as i have discovered, one needs to wake up fresh very early in the morning...in time to meet and greet the wonderful morning sun. Egad. Big trouble. But this is something that I am going to try doing. Waking up early in the morning, in time to greet the sun, from tomorrow onwards. I know it is a friday and i wish i could start another day. but you know what? i don't see the point in starting tomorrow when i can start today. it is like everything else in life - (insert excuse), i'll start tomorrow. no. just start. make no excuses. i'll let you know if i get out of this effort alive. :)

Read on twitter that someone's wife had her necklace stolen by bikers. No, she was not injured but was shaken to bits and her husband angry to more bits! The bikers just came up to her and ripped it off her neck and before she had time to react, they were off. These incidents really upsets me even if it isn't me it is happening to. I mean, why do people have to resort to these things? Are there ways to earn money if they are poor? Do they not have arms and legs and talents? Why not make use of them instead of stealing and robbing others? What did their parents really teach them when they were growing up? There...I am human, hence, I an angry and anger is a really powerful and impactful emotion. While it is OK to just let the anger be there, I hate to let it dwell. The victim's husband's anger must be about 1000 times more explosive...I can only imagine. He was cursing the worst kind of hate and disaster on the robbers. He wished all types of painful deaths onto th...

I don't know about you but I strongly believe that every single day, we must spend a little bit of time letting go of everything. Have you ever wondered why people like scuba diving? Think about it. From the moment you submerge your head into the water, it is like free falling. You don't hang onto anything and yet knowing that you are not going to fall. Complete faith that the water is going to keep you there, safe. And you are in a completely different world. The world on land, you have too many things to hang onto. You hang onto your wealth. You hang onto your happiness. You hang onto the people you love and like. You hang onto your job. You hang onto your car. You hang onto the latest gadget. Heck, is it any wonder that we have so many depressed people who are alive yet barely alive? :-) So, we can't very well go diving every single day, can we? Gosh, unless you are scuba diver for a living. Or you work at the beach. Not many of us here can do that so, we need to...

We get the morning paper, we open it and read it as we drink our morning coffee. what does that say about the way we start-up our day? ok, let's examine what is usually in the newspaper. would it be safe for me to say that people of today focus on negative, bad things in the world. it is very human to see what is WRONG with the world, instead of what is RIGHT. compare the number of good news in the paper with the number of bad ones and you will see a horrendous difference in number. did anyone ever tell you that starting up yourself positively in the morning makes a world of difference to the way the rest of your day works out? well, it is true. ok, even if you don't have the morning paper (like me), you switch the computer on and start browsing websites with news. even if it is celebrity news and gossip...there is more bad news in there than good ones. in order to change the way we start the day, we need an affirmation. or maybe a question that we can ask ourselves. ...

It is one thing to be patient with others around you. It's quite another learning how to be patient with ourselves. For me, I never used to demand a lot from myself but because yearning to be accepted, respected and be a part of the world, I guess I lost patience with myself along the way. I want to be better. I want to be respected. I want to be good at what I do. I want my kids to be better. I wanted to accepted by the people around me. See how it can distort one's way of life? Well, learn how to be patient with yourself. The only thing you have to know is that you have control over your world, your reality. Focus. Believe. Trust. Faith that you are moving in the right direction. Know that you have the capability to do the best that you can. Be patient with your own expectations. Nature never rushes, nature has a way of working things out, nature never looks at the clock every other minute. Nature never rushes...neither should you.

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” -Pema Chodron I bet you've heard of the saying that everything happens for a reason. every single one of your friends and family members are in your life for a reason too. therefore, nothing ever really goes away until we have learned what we need to learn from it/them.  sometimes we lose contact with friends or fall out with them - that is because their job in our lives is done, that we have learned what we need to learn from them. it probably has very little to do with them. to find a reason for something, always look within you because only when we address something from within can we control the results without.  if you continue to face problems at work, it is probably because the problem is you. it sounds horribly sad or disheartening to know that we are so weak but it is true. human beings are weak despite our brainy advantage over other animals on this planet.  so, look at everything ...

Of all the quotes that I go through on a daily basis, I think this one struck too close to the heart.  I think the 'trying to be someone else' syndrome is more common amongst girls and ladies than boys or men. That is because society and the media feeds girls with the image of how we should be, how slim we should persevere to be, the type of love we should expect from our other half, the kind of kids we should have, the kind of life we should expect when we love those around us....etc. In today's society, it's even more worrying and suffice to say that I have become thankful that I do not have daughters. If I did, I would have to spend considerable time and effort to assure them that not everyone have to be like the Olsen twins and that Paris Hilton does NOT have a perfect life. And no, you should not turn yourself into one of the Kardashians to be popular amongst your friends. I think of all the things that I wished my parents taught me as I was growing up is this...

'Nothing can hurt you emotionally if you give it no permission' Think about it. If a friend said hurtful things to you, what is the first thing that happens to you physically? Your breath quickens, you start getting emotional. you can't believe your GOOD FRIEND has the heart to say such hurtful things to you. you get angry. and then you retaliate. and then you regret. in reality, emotional hurt starts from the inside and nothing can hurt your heart unless you personally sign the memo entitled 'can i hurt your feelings?' with your signature, you have given mere words to have their way with you. you give it not only permission but also control. as you see or hear things, so you feel. as you feel, so you think as you think, so you will as you will, so you act so, the next time someone says something totally mean to you, just turn around and say 'thank you for sharing your views with me'. give them no permission to affect you.

One of the biggest things in Buddhism is this: you must have compassion for everything around you, alive or not. Treat the cup with tender loving care and it will serve you long and hard. Everything living, needless to say, we need to be compassionate about their sufferings. Like plants...plants suffer too when you don't water them or give them enough sunlight. Ants suffer too when you stomp on them or spray sheltox on them. :-) So, all things here on earth are suffering in one way or another, hence, as Buddhists, if we have compassion for other living beings, it raises your spiritual awareness and personal karma. But what is compassion and how do you extend that to your ENEMIES or people who bully you? Yes, you may suffer for a while when they bully you but there lies hope that they will soon see your compassionate side and change. If they do, then you have just saved a person's spirit. His or her soul. However, if you choose to be vengeful upon this person that you ha...

Human beings are pretty messed-up bunch of people, wouldn't you say? If something is simple, we are hell-bent on making it complicated. If something was flawless, we go out of our way to try to make it 'more beautiful'. Just keep things simple, for goodness' sake. For example, religion. If you explored each religion, at the core of it all, we are all looking at the same thing. Heaven is almost equivalent to Nibbana or eternal happiness which is more or less equivalent to Islam's Syurga. We all believe in one thing....and yet, we decide to put up a divide and say that you are a Buddhist, you will not go to Heaven. You are a Christian, you will not be allowed to enter Syurga. The beauty of Zen Buddhism is that we believe that you will be where you want to be if you believed it strong enough, with unrestrained faith. We are all going to the same place. Islams will go to Syurga, Christians will go to Heaven. And we all believe in a valid religion. Do not distort...

the more you fight against all things natural, the more you hurt. people fight for more money, more power, more material things, to be more beautiful, to be more successful....and sadly, to be happier. we need to understand that fighting will lead to noise. name me a type of fighting that does not cause friction and noise. :-) after all that fighting, you create friction and stress. but if you sat down and said, 'wait wait wait. hang on, let me evaluate this situation here', sit down and think, you will soon realize that all the noise has gone away. you are just there, being you, calm and collected. there is no friction when you don't let the fight get to you. internally, you begin to access the fight that means most to you. fight THAT calmly and in a manner that is in-between, socially acceptable, that does not harm others, means a lot to you and most importantly, worth your time. time is precious and is one of those things that we have absolutely no control over. ...

I got this from this website that I frequent, TinyBuddha.com. Very nice and inspirational website. None of us chooses to be born, but we all choose from moment to moment to really live or to merely exist. Choose life today. Face your fears. Take a risk. Jump out of your comfort zone. Do what you love. Share your passions with people. Say yes to possibilities. Use your strengths. Say what you mean. Love with abandon. Ask questions. Give answers. Be present. Be authentic. Looks so simple on paper, so hard to do. I don't know when was it that I lost the ability to say 'screw it, let's rock this shit'. There is no single one moment to put your finger on. No 'this is x moment . the very moment that you decided that everything has to be carefully construed, planned and mapped out. never will you, from this moment on, be able to live with impulse and spontaneity.' whenever it was and whatever it is, i believe that i am not alone. i am just one of those who dare to...

went out grocery shopping and thought that i might as well get some stuff for the kids at the nearby orphanage. it is right beside the temple that i am in love with at the moment. hahaha...i know. siow-ness. anyway, bought some stuff>> it's nothing much but it's at least something and like the people say, it is the effort and thought that counts. not how much and how expensive. you know, we should all learn how to have kindness, love and joy for all the things that we are lucky enough to have that we have the capacity to think of someone else who is less lucky. it is only when you have the capacity to love others and share with them that counts SOOOOOO much. others might think, 'aiya, it is only a bunch of cabbage' or 'it is only color pencils what' but if you think of it on another level, how many people out there do not have the privilege of having cabbage to eat? how many people out there are eating rice with soya sauce every night? in that sit...

It's funny...never thought of meditating in the way that Monks do. Seriously. To me, it used to be this 'woo-woo-woo' (cue: ghosts in the background) kind of thing that people with a serious case of personality conflict do. Blame it on society. (from here on, i don't care about grammar and caps anymore. i forget that this blog is not one that i write to promote my writing services) :-)))))) grin for me, please. meditating is as important to the Monks as it is to everyone else. it is not always about the chanting, the phrases and all the meanings behind all the sutras and stuff. it is about sitting down there, taking a moment to reflect on yourself and the world around you. and if you have tried meditating, you will know this in your heart when i say that, for beginners, it's bloody hard! it's like forcing a child with ADHD to sit still for....like 20 minutes. but you should. do i? yes, i do!!! as a matter of fact, i have gotten so used to it and have ben...

If there is one thing that I have to disagree with society, it would be parenting style. Unlike conventional parents (I do not pass judgment if you disagree with me - I am merely observing), I try not to push my kids in every other direction in life. Children are the purest things ever! They have all the rest of their lives to be unpure, so, I think our role as parents whether you are Buddhist or not, is to guide them and accept them for what they are. The reason why some people choose to push their kids directions is because we attach ourselves to them. Zen Buddhism is about not attaching yourself to anything because everything is impermanent. Suffering starts only when you start to attach yourself to objects, money, people, car, house...etc. Think about it. With the kids, it's the same. We are in this journey together, yes, but you are you and they are them. Some parents say to me, ' But we have to make sure that they make something of themselves in this life. They must...

YAYYYYYY!!! First post for this new blog!! *high five* Anyway, the first thing that I want to explain here is that yes, I am a writer and I am full time mom. I think most of you can find me on the internet quite easily. I do extensive online marketing and stuff. But that is quite another journey. A stressful one. For this blog, it is about me finding a balance and being ZEN. I think some of my friends are going to freak out and wonder what happened to me. It all started when I found this amazing temple VERY NEAR my place and I have felt very calm, balanced and serene when I was there. I LOOOOOOOVVVEEEE it there. So, here we go. This Zen Chic Mom starts her journey. The first thing that I want to mention is this....you can belong to all types of religion to read this blog. It should not be against ANY religion to understand what I have to say here and it is an across-the-board zen experience. For example, doing Dana. Dana is a term used to describe charity and kindness and sha...