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Wesak Day Thoughts

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Yesterday was Wesak Day, a day that we pay respect to Buddha and the dharma. I did not manage to go to a temple knowing, for one, that the temple would be packed; two, I am under the weather.

But I am reminded that to be a good person, human and a proper Buddhist, paying respect to Buddha and his teachings does not require one to make their way to the temple. The temple is right here where you are, where your consciousness and heart is.


I have been an awful (in my eyes) Buddhist lately. So many things are happening around me and it is during tumultuous times like these that are faith is tested. 

I admit to it being tested. Again and again. 

The despair that sometimes overwhelm me makes me wonder if all this 'BS' about being kind, nice, and doing no bad is all there is to life. When people give you a sucker punch, it sucks not to punch back. 

So far, I've not hurt anyone and have done pretty well except for consistently punching MYSELF in the face. The hatred is directed mostly at myself and I sink into this deep darkness that sometimes overtake my soul.

But as I was sitting upstairs for a smoke, I realize that it's all about attitude. It's not what you face in life that is important, it's how you respond to it (not react) that's really important.

So, all I need to do is to pause and find out what the proper response is to my current situation. Instead of jumping to conclusions and imagining the worst of situations, think mindfully and come up with the best solution and response.

And by the way, I've not meditated for the longest time.

In fact, Wesak Day, I told myself that I had to spend some time chanting...but it never happened. I ended up signing up for Netflix and rewatching funny episodes of 'Friends' instead. Friends remains to be one of my favorite TV series of all times.

It did cheer me up, though.

Many years ago, my response would have been to go out and get a couple of beers or a few bottles of wine and down them till I am unconscious. Then I would spend the day in hangover hell and curse my actions.

The good news is that I no longer do that although I've replaced them with calming and sleeping pills.

Well, it's a replacement but I will slowly withdraw from them as well. This can go nowhere, I know because I can see this in my mother. It's a one-way road to nowhere.

The same way I wish peace and calm to everyone in the world, I wish the same for me.
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