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Don't Give Up, Don't Commit Suicide

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I've had friends, 2.5 of them (the half is because we're not REALLY sure it was - it was a accidental suicide, if you will) take their own lives and up until this very day, one question lingers on. And I don't think it will ever be answered or go away.

The fact that we, the loved ones and friends, will never know the reason why they made the decision to end their lives, sucks bad.
What if they blame themselves? They could go their entire lives blaming themselves for not just any death, your death; the death of someone they love dearly - Dr. John Peterson
Frankly, I don't know who's reading this blog and I am never going to check who does or doesn't. I write this blog just in case it reaches someone, ANYONE. And it's also my personal outlet to let loose what's on my mind, to share it with the rest of the world so that they know that someone else out there is feeling the same feelings. Going through the same shit and trying to not drown.

I also think that a lot of people think about suicide, tinkle with the idea, and come very close to doing the deed. Just like I did.

Forever grateful I would be for the sound of my kids' laughter from the living room pulling me back from the doom that I thought was the answer.

Don't think for a minute that no one cares for you in this world - even if ONE person does, it matters.

I was facing (and continue to face) countless rejections in my life, told I was useless, ugly, old, absolutely trash, garbage...everything, you name it, I felt it...and the old optimistic younger self in me died with every accusation made against me.

I was a lousy wife, daughter, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, sister, HUMAN. My flaws were thrown in my face again and again and again.

Even when my then-husband cheated on me, I felt there was something that I could not give up on. Me. And my kids.
Perhaps I matter to the extent that I’m helping others around me to live a more meaningful life. Dr Peterson’s response clearly had an impact on the questioner who was contemplating suicide. It’s also had a huge impact on me - 4 Reasons Not to Commit Suicide According to Dr. Peterson
Commit yourself to a greater cause, believe that your life precious not just to yourself but to your family, friends, and even strangers who might have stumbled upon something you've written or you could've smiled at during a morning run.

People remember and maybe you owe your life to them too, not just yourself.
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